One of the most common questions I have been asked is; “how can someone like you be single for so long?”
12 years ago, after I left NYC and my fiancé and started my life as a full time single mother, I felt the itch to date, to go searching for “someone”, the need to fill a void and consume love from others because I didn’t feel it truthfully for myself.
Therein lies the paradox, the juxtaposition of seeking externally to feel loved, internally.
But because I was such an independent person with a compass dial set so strongly in my heart and soul, it was impossible for me to accept just anyone; not because they weren’t worthy or enough, but because I wasn’t enough for myself and they weren’t enough for themselves, and so we could never be enough for each other to stay together, cohesively, in a sustainable, healthy and mutually loving way.
When we force ourselves into situations that aren’t grounded and rooted in real love for self and others, we enter into the no man’s land of projections, resentment, distractions, and obligations. And we get stuck; we get stuck in mortgages, in bills, in contracts, in activities, in expectations, in tenures, in false securities…in in in in in…
While I was actively seeking a partner, doing what I thought I needed to do to find & keep love, I read books like “Calling in the One” & the “Five Languages of Love” – I made check lists of what I thought my perfect partner would be, and I took part in workshops that claimed to help me manifest (real) love.
The truth is, my friend, when you turn that attention, that devotion, that external motivation INTERNALLY to find the love within; you start to understand and feel that REAL love has no check lists.
When you truly love yourself and others in the most purest and truest sense of the emotion and the action of love, there are no “to-do’s” or “because’s”. There is no need.
You just are & feel, love.
So when people ask me how I could stay single for so long; I ask them why they can’t. Usually this opens up a long list of whys and why nots, which when whittled down even further, gets to the root of people not loving themselves wholeheartedly, of being afraid to be alone, of needing someone to make them feel…loved.
But when we can get to that place within ourselves, that’s where harmony happens. That’s when we stop consuming things around us to fill the void. That’s when we know and feel our own power. That’s when we feel loved.
It is a gift to know what love is, to feel it without the long list of haves and have nots. To hold space as we journey towards finding that grail within ourselves.
The road often is hard and long in traveling there; but there is no greater quest.
And once you embark on it, once you heed the call of your heart and soul; there is no turning back.
There is no hiding.
There is no stopping.
It is when you reach your destination and unite with the love that is within, is when you stop seeking and start believing. That is when you are able to respectfully, unconditionally, and wholeheartedly, help others do the same.
This is the power of love. The power of us, as humans, in our ability to create changes for ourselves and the world.
Not by consuming & having; but by BEING and ALLOWING.
It is my hope and blessing to everyone that they embark on that journey for and by themselves with courage, strength, and compassion.
Why? Because you deserve it, and the Universe needs it.
This is the medicine of the world.
Start with you.
Just be. Love.