Healing the warrior within changed my life.
For more than 20 years, I was living other people’s dreams of who they wanted me to be. Along the way, I lost my sense of true identity and what I wanted. Because I was gifted as a cellist, I felt like I had to make that my living without asking myself what I really wanted.
It looked like I had it all. I was living in an artist’s loft in New York City, travelling the world as a cellist, playing on Broadway with Harry Connick Jr., and touring with Barbara Streisand. I was engaged to a talented fashion photographer, had a young baby, and another baby on the way.
When my fiancé abandoned me, pregnant and with a baby, I was ripped away from the life I thought I had always wanted and I had to make some major changes to support my new realities as a full-time single mother of 2 babies.
The various traumas I had experienced in my life meant that my self-esteem suffered. They caused me to doubt my abilities to be loved, to believe in myself, or that I was worthy of anything good, really.
I started abusing drugs and alcohol through all of this because it was an easy way of coping with and self-medicating my emotional pain and wounded spirit as things kept getting worse. Alcohol started to become my liquid confidence, and gave me a false sense of courage and passion in life.
After another devastating breakup, I realized I really had no idea who I was. Suddenly, I was faced with the truth of how disconnected I was from my true self, my true strength, and just how negatively my past traumas and experiences impacted who I thought I was. I realized I was reacting poorly to everything and everyone around me, especially myself.
I had tried talk therapy and meditation, I read self-help books and watched inspirational videos, but nothing was helping. Nothing was getting to the root causes of my pain and suffering, or healing them.